Pain Hurts, But Needless Suffering is a Choice

What sciatica taught me about making the best out of a bad situation

I thought I had come up with something profound the other day, but apparently it's been attributed to Japanese writer Haruki Murakami for a while now: "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional." After six days of sleeping in awkward positions to deal with a bad case of sciatica - nerve pain shooting down my right leg - I think I'd like to add an adjective to that saying: "needless." Because here's the thing: while my leg hurts like hell when I walk, and no matter how zen I try to be I still grimace and cuss, I could make it so much worse by focusing on all the things I can't do instead of what I can. Like using this time to write and learn how to build Android apps. The pain is real, but I have an incredible ability to make any situation worse than it needs to be through worry, regret, and that endless comparison game we all play.

What I've learned through this sciatica experience is the difference between pain and suffering. Pain is the physical sensation - uncomfortable to unbearable, but just a sensation. Suffering is my emotional response: feeling sorry for myself, getting angry because it prevents me from doing what I'd rather be doing, spiraling into "what if this never gets better" scenarios. That emotional response is somewhat under my control. I keep asking myself, if my sciatica never improves, could I still live a rewarding life? Of course, because I'm learning to focus on the now instead of the what-ifs of the future. Sure, I'd prefer to have no pain and more options, but life deals you a hand and you do the best you can with it.

This whole experience with physical pain has taught me that we create so much needless suffering through our perspective and judgment. We make the worst out of not-so-bad situations by constantly comparing ourselves to idealized versions or getting upset with the discrepancies between reality and our expectations. Being bipolar, I'm always just a day away from swinging either way on the mood scale, but I'm learning to accept that,

too. The truth is, we can reduce needless suffering in our lives and others' lives with simple things like a kind word or expressing appreciation. It starts with accepting ourselves and the world the way it is, not the way we think it should be.